GAH my body is dead

Day 2.....unable to do 30 day shred due to the fact that my body is dead. :/  I am taking a little recovery day today and will be back at it tomorrow morning! I also bought some multivitamins from GNC to take while on the 30 day shred program.  Hoping it gives me even greater results.  It's such a feeling of relief to have a plan and actually have control over it.  Not knowing what's to come with ttc is so overwhelming but knowing I control my weight loss goals is even more motivation to want to achieve them.  I want control of some part of my life again.  Might as well be the part that makes me healthy and active again.

30 day shred

Sooo I was reading a lot last night about PCOS and it motivated me to get into shape.  If there is anything I can do to help defeat it I'm going to do it.  I started day 1 of 30 day shred.  I've done it in the past but only got to day 12 or 15 and then quit.  Never even got to level 2. Well let me start by saying I couldn't even finish the dvd! it was mortifying how out of shape I actually am.  I didn't have it in me to do the last 4 minutes! All I kept doing was yelling at Jillian Michaels to shut up and that I hate her!  I'm going to push through it this time and not stop.  I'm doing the entire 30 days! I've been doing low carb for 3 weeks now.  I started Feb 2nd at 184 and today Feb 24th I'm 177.8. so 6 lbs in 3 weeks seems pretty healthy.  I'm trying to do things right and not rapidly because I don't want it coming back.  I can't wait to see if I lose more with the diet and exercise combined.  My weigh ins are every Wednesday so I'll keep ya'll posted.  I'm sure you'll here me complain about Jillian in the next few days as well. :)

IUI cancelled. BOO!!!

So IUI this month was canceled. I drove around for 3 hours after my appointment to just soak in everything. lol. So I'm pretty calm about it now. First off according to RE PCOS won this round.  I have a bunch of follicles but every single one of them are too underdeveloped. Not one single mature/dominant follie or even close. Secondly the clomid did not work this cycle and it instead thinned my lining.  I should have asked more questions while there but I was in such dismay after hearing the news I just went into shock instead. I'm assuming the iui was canceled because 1) There's no chance my follies can catch up anyways or 2) My Doctor doesn't want to risk all of my underdeveloped follies catching up and releasing and ending up an octomom.  I held in my tears in front of RE but it broke my heart not being able to do our first iui this month.  As soon as I got to my car the waterworks turned on.  It's just yet another obstacle in our ttc course.  Mike was such a sweetheart and calmed me down.  He always knows what to say to make me feel better. Sooo our next plan of action is wait out this cycle (I'm cd11) and start provera cd35 if AF doesn't show. No more clomid, moving onto femara which I know nothing about so I'll be asking my TMP girls when the time comes.  I'm going to continue to diet, exercise and take metformin so pcos can kiss my ass!! As much as a disappointment it was to hear this cycle was canceled my bff told me "Don't worry. It's just your first cycle. I'll keep my fingers crossed for the next one!" At first I was thinking 'first cycle? is she crazy?' Then I realized 'you know what? after my corrective surgery it is my first cycle.' When I think of it like that it doesn't seem too bad. Not to mention we have been waiting this long so what is another month. Also before, I was so concentrated on 'If I don't get pregnant by March I won't meet our baby till 2012!!' but my friend Kelly made a good point and said " Trust me, you won't care about the 2012 date because you will be enjoying your 9 months of pregnancy so much, you won't want to wish a single day away." Those words seriously hit home. It's so true. So yes this month was a bust, but there's always next month and the month after that..and after that...and after that..but hopefully God willing it won't take many more after that. :)  That's it for our TTC news. I'll keep ya'll posted.

CD 1! YIPPEEEEE!!!

I cannot even explain the excitement when I realized AF was here. lol. I felt like a kid at Christmas who just got a present.  AF to me right now only means one thing....IUI time baby!!  So starting Monday I'll be taking the clomid and cd 11 is my follie check. This is soooo surreal to me I can't even begin to tell you.  I would've never thought I'd be in this position manually planning a pregnancy.  Not conceiving naturally but having a Doctors office help me get pregnant.  I remember being a kid and hearing about women who have trouble getting pregnant and have to go through all of this and IVF and surrogate and I just felt terrible for them.  And now I'm one of them.  I obviously wish I wasn't in this situation and was able to conceive naturally but the body is a tricky thing and so is life.  If doing this IUI is how God wants me to get pregnant then bring it on.  I will do whatever it takes.  I'll keep you guys posted on how my follie check goes!

let's get this ball rolling

Well, my chart shows no signs of ovulation and I'm on CD 29 today.  It's safe to go ahead and start the aygestion to jump start AF.  She should hopefully arrive in the next 15 days and then from there we can start the clomid and the IUI.  I don't want to get my hopes too high but I really am praying this works for us. After everything we've been through this has to be our time right? I don't know why but I have a lot of faith our time will come soon.  During December I was so sad thinking about if I don't get pregnant by March I won't meet our baby till 2012! That seems so far away.  But after having the successful surgery and a game plan, I really don't mind if we don't meet our baby till 2012.  Just as long as we meet our baby someday! I'm very optimistic of what's to come and I haven't felt this way in awhile. lol, I hope God isn't toying with my emotions. But that's what faith is right? To trust. And I trust God.

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

Moving on to the minor leagues

Just got back from my post op with RE. Got my stitches taken out from my lap surgery on the 17th. Everything is great, my tube isn't blocked anymore but he said their is still a slight chance that if the egg runs through that tube, it can get stuck.  He also repaired my endo so everything is a GO! So RE recommends we move forward with IUI. I'm very excited and scared at the same time. Excited because I think that's awesome that they'll be able to see what side I'm ovulating on and it really takes the guess work out of things and also because it's a higher percent of getting a BFP then good old fashion BDing. Not by much, but I'll take any extra percentage I can get. Next step is starting ayegestin once I'm at cd 35, clomid cd 3-7, HCG shot on cd 11 and then come back in for IUI the morning of the 12th. Then according to RE "watching my pregnancy like a hawk". I'm scared because who knows how many cycles of IUI it will take and I'm not employed right now. It's been nice not working the last 6 months but I think I should look for another job to help pay off these medical bills. My only dilemma is what to apply for. With all of these RE appts coming up I'll need something with flexibility. I was working at a bank prior but banks aren't flexible with schedules and they're 9-5 which is doc appt time frame. Before that I was assistant manager at a sports store..but that involved lifting heavy boxes and display mannequins and stress which is the last thing I'd want while pregnant and resulting in another miscarriage. Ugh, I just need to play the lotto!!  Hoping it doesn't take many cycles to get prego.  We're doing at most 5 IUI's then moving on to the major leagues, IVF! But we're praying it doesn't come to that.  Keep your fingers crossed!

On another note, I'm going to Barry and Jessi's for dinner because DH is out of town.  I'm also going to take more pictures of my pretty little niece and I'll post those tomorrow.  Can't wait for the day to take a billion pics of our own little one. :)

Photo Session with Miss Molly

Here are the pics I took yesterday of my niece Molly, her parents and her great grandma and grandpa Griswold.  She's very photogenic. :)

 I HAD TO PUT THIS PICTURE OF THEIR EARS. TOO FUNNY!!